Where to Begin ?????

How do you go back to the beginning ? I'm really not sure where to start in sharing this journey. I guess in hindsight it began when my son was ten years old. We, of course, didn't realize that one random action at that time could've been the start of addictive behavior in later years. There were other events that had happened to my two youngest that could account for some isolated incidents of out of character or emotional behavior.

By the time my son was fourteen it was very apparent that there was another side to this happy go lucky kid with the big grins and hugs. At that time I really thought it was "experimental" behavior which was pretty normal. When we realized he was using marijuana it wasn't ignored by any means but we had no way of knowing the true extent of the brewing problem. I discovered through my sons innocence that a man, tho he was a young man was not a minor and had already been in the "system", had my son delivering envelopes and paying him money for each delivered. Where did my son meet this man, you might ask. At the basketball court next to the middle school my son attended. At fourteen five dollars for just handing an envelope to another schoolmate was nothing but exciting! In his innocence he ended up telling me about it. Now, you know that was definitely not something that was ignored and I attacked it with full vengence. I first educated my son on what he was doing and why he was NOT okay. But behind the scenes things were handled and this "man" was removed from being able to attract my son or others to do his bidding. So, this was the true beginning.

The following years were hell. There's no better word to describe them. My son continued to be very loving, sweet natured and was walking towards the path of addiction. I used to call it "binging". Stephen was never a daily user. And being naive to addictions I didn't feel that he was one. Mistake. Although by sixteen we did attempt to have him admitted to an inhouse care facility. The unfortunate or ironic part of this? In Texas a child at sixteen years old must voluntarily or by court order enter the facility. The facility informed the attendees if they were not here voluntarily they could leave. So, my son left. But I was still legally responsible for his actions as a sixteen year old.

As the years passed my son became part of the horrid Harris County "Injustice" system. I almost began this sentence with "unfortunately". In honesty it has not all had a negative on Stephens desire for sobriety. But much of his accomplishments is because HE wanted the change, however, with his legal issues he was very close to being sent to TDC. Instead he was given the opportunity to attend SAFP (Substance Abuse Felony Punishment Program)

Although I have very intense feelings on how things seem to be handled inside the walls of the Harris Court court rooms my son has made safp work for him. For that I am grateful as prison time would have offered nothing for his addiction recovery. With that said - it doesn't change that while sitting in Judge Belinda Hills court I didn't witness inconsistencies, mocking attitudes in overhearing conversations of the prosecutors, what appeared as special treatments. But is this only in her court or the attitude of the entire Harris County system? In my opinion this system acts as tho it is a legal system within itself - unaccountable by higher beings that are - and a mentality of you're a loser and can't touch me attitude. And obviously they've been operating with this mentality for a very long time. Is there any wonder that the "officers" which operate within this system lie on their reports? Abuse arrestees or inamtes? I know how as a visitor I was treated - it leaves me only to imagine within the walls where no one can see.

Well, I guess this is the beginning ...... of sharing the pain, the embarrasments, the anger, the injustices, the journey of life and love with an addict and other loved ones who find themselves fighting this fight for the ones we so desperately try to help.

In being here I hope that just in knowing you're not alone can be of some comfort. I felt alone and truly thought I was until I discovered a wonderful website a couple years ago. I cherished the understanding and information but the friendship and support lifted me from some very dark days and kept me going. I hope that I can give that back by helping others through my bloggings.

Hope you will join me and share your stories. Alone we are one - each voice added gets louder and can attract more attention for change.

Until next time......

J